


The Way Forward

by spiritqueenie



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Confessions, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Hollow Bastion | Radiant Garden, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23298610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritqueenie/pseuds/spiritqueenie
Summary: Aeleus watches the others make life after the darkness look so easy, and struggles to keep up. But no one recovers from the things they've seen, not really.Prompt to do some hurt/comfort with the RG Fam. It's not a genre I explore often, so this came out more like Aeleus Goes to Therapy, and I'm so sorry. This was based on the translation of the KH3 Ultimania that says Aeleus still has a call to the darkness. But, really, wouldn't they all? It was at least a decade they were subject to it...
Relationships: Aeleus/Dilan (Kingdom Hearts), Aeleus/Even (Kingdom Hearts), Aeleus/Ienzo (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	The Way Forward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aliceslantern](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceslantern/gifts).



Soft dirt gave way to strong, calloused hands. Broad fingers packed in the side of the new hole, then introduced a healthy young tomato plant. More rich earth was packed around the roots and stem, before the next plot was dug open to repeat the process. There was peace to be had in this moment, in the damp soil clinging to his fingers, the unique scent of rich earth ripe and fertile for planting, and the hot sun upon his head. The stooped posture, shoulders working to part the earth before him in the most menial of ways possible. A repetitive task to clear the mind yet fill the senses.

Aeleus was oft viewed by others to be a simple sort of man, with but simple wants and needs. It was a facade he built up carefully over years, and one he found himself now struggling to keep. So, when he was overwhelmed, he had but one solution: find something useful to do, and go do it. Work stilled the mind, if only for a bit and, for now, he could really use the respite.

He might have stayed like this for hours upon hours more, ruddy brown hair and fair skin subject to the sun’s cruelty with no reprieve as he labored in a corner of the vegetable garden of Radiant Garden’s Castle were it not for a sharp voice calling out to him come late afternoon.

Aeleus frowned and looked up to see Even, spilling over with a peculiar mix of impatience and worry. The slanting and increasingly golden light of the sun highlighted the otherwise faint worry and smile lines about his acid green eyes. “What is it, Even?”

Arms crossed, the scientist exhaled slowly and eyed him, the weight of both judgment and decision-making in the firm line of his mouth and light of his eyes. “You’ve been out here all day.” Blunt, an observation. Caution in the tone.

“Yes.” He held Even’s gaze, unapologetic in the slightly unorthodox work. What did he have to guard the Castle from these days, anyway? He would admit to no wrongdoing here. The tension played out, Even’s lips disappearing almost entirely as he pressed them more firmly together and Aeleus’ infamous scowl creating a furrow between his brows.

After a moment, a sigh escaped Even, and the taut nature of his judgment slackened almost entirely. “It’s almost dinner. And I might add that your elusive behavior of late has been worrying us. All of us.” He flicked an ash blonde lock back behind his shoulder but resumed eye contact. Now, however, the hard edges had given way for soft concern.

Aeleus broke eye contact, dusted off his knees and stood. Facing away from the man at his side to inspect the day’s work, he hummed. An expectant pause followed. “Menial tasks clear my head,” was all Aeleus could get himself to say.

A groan escaped Even. “That is all very well, but you could at least tell someone. And you have all your colleagues -nay, friends- eager to see you through- through whatever it is that this is.” As he often did, Even gesticulated as he spoke, and motioned to Aeleus and then the garden, which had grown significantly larger throughout the day.

Aeleus turned to look at Even once more, frustration and a deep-seated tiredness stealing the light from his sky blue eyes. “And what am I to say? That I still struggle with things you all have overcome?” He shook his head and looked away. “And you, most especially… how did you do that?”

Confusion pinched Even’s face. “Do what? How did I do what?”

Aeleus heaved a great sigh, his shoulders heaving with the weight of it. Though he still stood as tall and proud as ever, there was something off there, a melancholy hiding within. “You went back, yet you did not lose yourself. How? Darkness, once let in, does not make itself so easy to remove.” Aeleus started at the hand that suddenly landed on his shoulder.

Even sighed as well, but the air that escaped him was filled with understanding. “’Twas not easy. No, indeed. What worked for me was to keep sight of my goal: redemption. Redemption for the ills I had caused in my arrogance and quest for god-like understanding. So long as I cleared my head and reminded myself of that one goal, put on blinders like a horse in the races, I knew I could pull through.”

Aeleus nodded, but his jaw was stiff, working and grinding with frustrations he dared not name or acknowledge out in the light. He did not have a goal. Or, if he did, it was so nebulous as to make Even’s words meaningless when applied to him.

“Please do come inside, Aeleus,” Even said, voice low and pleading. “At the very least, you need to eat. And if it is advice you seek, you could always talk to Ienzo. You know as well as I that, due to his love of psychology, he truly is much better at dealing with this … emotional sort of thing than I could ever be.”

Aeleus sucked in a steadying breath and nodded. “Alright,” he said once, as if to himself. “Alright,” he added louder, before turning to follow Even inside.

~

Getting Ienzo alone these days was surprisingly difficult. With less people about the castle, and the boy -no- young man’s ability to learn a large variety of abilities quickly resulted in him working a lot. Oh, and he was raised to be a workaholic, and was throwing himself into that role with absolute vigor.

Master Ansem had had to encourage him to take a break more than once, or even order him to. The majority of these were spent in the expansive library, reading up on a new skill or bit of knowledge, or, even more rarely, a novel. It was during one of these strictly enforced breaks that Aeleus came upon the youngest member, lounging and reading a literary classic. This indicated to Aeleus that the coming conversation would either go amazingly or horridly, depending why it was Ienzo was reading fiction in the first place.

Aeleus sat down in the armchair beside Ienzo, letting his eyes get lost in the dancing of the flames in the fireplace before them. The steady and gentle warmth seeped into him, and he allowed it to soothe his nerves and raw edges. He waited, patiently, until he could see that Ienzo was at a chapter break, before speaking up. “Ienzo, might I have a word?”

Ienzo spun quick enough in his chair to reveal both blue eyes. Though responsive to the inquiry, there was a lethargy lurking deep within, dulling the shine just a bit. “Oh, yes, of course.” He shifted his position and posture to make himself open for conversing with Aeleus as he carefully marked his place and shut his book.

Aeleus clasped his hands and stared sightlessly at the floor, the brow muscles knotting as he carefully picked through the right words to broach this subject. “I’m having trouble… adjusting.” That felt okay, but he could do better. “So many others have… moved on… from past events. Or are at least able to function in the here and now. They shook off the shadows as a duck does rain droplets...” he trailed off as he doubted himself and his analogy.

He looked up in surprise when a smaller hand was placed atop his own. A small smile graced Ienzo’s face. “It certainly looks that way. But I find our particular sort of past clings like tar; even when you think you’ve washed it all away, there are still bits here and there, hiding under your nails or clinging to your hair.”

Aeleus nodded and swallowed around the thick lump of his sudden anxiety. “What I mean to say is… I don’t take so well to the light. Not this time around, anyway. You all make it seem so natural.”

Ienzo snorted, an indelicate noise that made Aeleus’ eyes widen in surprise. “Yeah, well, it’s not; it’s a series of conscious choices. I want to do better and be better, and the only way to do that is to- to just do it. It won’t become natural and habitual until later.”

Aeleus frowned as he pondered these words. He wondered if Ienzo comprehended how deep this darkness cut through him, how it sapped at him and burned him in turns with melancholy and then anger. “I’m not so certain that I can keep it up...” he murmured.

Ienzo’s other hand scrubbed at his face. The exhaustion lines were more apparent after he’d done this, the side lighting of the fire emphasizing the shadows under his eyes. “You don’t have to do it alone. None of us do.”

Aeleus mutely shook his head and looked down. To let anyone else carry this burden would be to crush them with its weight. He refused to do that to the people he had learned to think of as his family.

“Aeleus.” The brusque tone had Aeleus looking up from his hands again. “There are six of us here. Six. Each of us with our own struggles… but each of us willing to lend support. Use it. The weight of what we’ve all seen and done...” Ienzo shook his head, his throat working. “It cannot be borne by one man, alone. We must rely on one another, lest the weight of our sins and darkness drag us down.”

Their eyes were locked, and only the gentle crackle of the flames filled the silence. His heart -his big, weak, stupid heart- ached for the haunted look of Ienzo’s blue eyes, with hints of both desperation and resolve. Had he been underestimating what Ienzo was going through? He suddenly felt as though he had.

Ienzo’s throat worked around another clumsy swallow. “My parents- I don’t even remember them.” His eyes flicked to the floor, the weight of the confession too much to bear with eye contact. “No faces, no names. Just- just odd facts, echoed back to me hollow, as though read from a book about someone else. Bits of an old lullaby, sung by my mother, the sting of my father’s disappointment and high expectations...” He shook his head. “The guilt from that- it will likely follow me to my grave.”

This time, Aeleus put his hand on top of Ienzo’s smaller, far more normally sized one. “Why-” he licked his dry lips, “Why are you telling me this?”

Ienzo looked up once more. “To show, not tell. You really aren’t alone, Aeleus. The darkness clings, ever stubborn, to us all. It does so in different ways, but we all have it.”

Aeleus found himself nodding. It rang true to him, somehow, in a way that hadn’t before. Perhaps the vulnerability had made the statement feel more honest. But, then, Even had been quite right about the young man; Ienzo was brilliant with psychology.

“Tomorrow,” Ienzo continued, “I want you to talk to Dilan about this.” He held Aeleus’ gaze, searching for nonverbal signs of acquiescence to his suggestion. “You’d be surprised how similar of an outlook you two have. Not to mention the stubborn streak.” A wan smirk pulled at the right corner of Ienzo’s mouth.

Aeleus huffed what almost could have been a laugh. “Very well, I will.”

Ienzo nodded his satisfaction. “Good. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I really would like to do some light reading before I turn in for the night.”

This time, Aeleus actually chuckled. “Fair enough. Thank you, Ienzo, and good night.”

“Good night.” The young man turned back to his book, and Aeleus made to leave.

~

Dilan was a pensive, quiet man. Like Aeleus, he had no real need to fill every silence with empty words. But like the stillness of a large river hiding swift currents down below, this was a deception; Dilan’s mind was always at work, always analyzing. Their similarities gave them a long-standing wordless understanding.

Today, however, Aeleus was going to skip rocks and break the calm. Metaphorically speaking, of course. He wasn’t one for purple prose, but he fully believed that Dilan would understand in a way no one else could.

Even if the thought of opening up made him anxious.

So he got up early, did his workout and hygiene routine, then went in search of his violet-eyed companion. Dilan was found in the kitchen, making a leaning tower of while grain pancakes topped with bananas and strawberries. Aeleus figured Dilan must also be post-workout to be making such a feast.

Dilan nodded his good morning, and Aeleus instinctively replied in kind. Aeleus went to grab the ingredients for his favorite shake, then said, “I keep thinking things should be the way they were back then, but they aren’t.” 

Dilan blinked and looked up from his meal. “Of course not, How could they be?” The whirring of the processor cut off any response for a moment, but Dilan waited with measured patience.

Aeleus poured his shake into a glass and grabbed a large straw, then sat across from his friend. “It’s not a logical sort of thought, but an emotional one,” he replied at last before taking a sip. Dietitians be damned, a chocolate raspberry protein shake was his favorite way to start the day.

Dilan did a sort of shrug of half agreement. “Point taken.” Somehow, half of his breakfast had disappeared already. Aeleus didn’t even bother to question it.

“I struggle to reconcile the past and the present, to live for the now and pave way for the future,” he admitted, averting his eyes and stirring his shake with his straw.

Dilan made a grunt of agreement. “We spent so long as our half selves that we’ve forgotten how to be whole again.” Aeleus thought this to be a very true and poignant statement, so much more eloquently worded than he could have managed. “But who among us could say we’ve ever perfected anything on the first try?”

Aeleus looked up at Dilan once more, his lips pressed together as he thought. “I suppose.” He sipped at his drink, running through how he could possibly apply that statement to himself and his struggle to move forward. Silence reigned for a moment as Dilan finished his own meal and washed the dishes he had used to make and consumed it.

“Maybe what we need is a plan to forge ahead,” Dilan offered. “A way to fill up what seems to be lacking.” Clink, clink. The dishes were returned, pristine, to their original spots.

Aeleus joined his friend and washed out his own cup. “That would give us something to strive to, at least. But where do we start?”

Dilan turned toward him as he toweled off the glass. “With each other, I suppose. We drifted apart for those years.”

Aeleus nodded. “Good. I like that.” As he put away the tumbler, they talked in a way they hadn’t since Before, deepening and strengthening the bond that had been stretched taut for many years. Aeleus had figured now that nothing would ever be quite the same, but it didn’t have to be. There would always be shadows, but maybe, just maybe, that would let him appreciate the light all the more.

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written Dilan before, so I hope this was okay. No Ansem here due to how divided the fandom is over him; I don't need drama on a one-shot.


End file.
